16 May 2015
Waste Not Want, Want Not Waste
Get Rich Quick the Slow Way by Arbitraging Laughter (or Staples)
Plus, Also, and In Addition to That: The Case of the Five Good Friends, Hanging Out
Wait a minute and stop to think there where you are about all the staples sitting idle within millions of documents in hundreds of thousands of filing cabinets or boxes across the nation – and I'm not even talking about the important staples, the ones that go through every page of a document and without which its integrity might be compromised – no, I'm talking about those extra staples, I mean for example let's say you start out with 3 pages on a topic/issue/project and staple them together, and as the thing grows and new versions pile on more staples are added but all too often the staples that were in there from the beginning are not removed and they are just sitting there, redundant, doing work of no particular importance and that is the kind of waste I came here to talk about this morning /evening. Then when it gets up around twelve pages or more and a regular stapler just ain't cutting it comes that important decision, paper clip or binder clip, and thereafter all of the staples become functionally useless [My italics. Mine.], they may as well be trapped in a whale's belly in Cancun for all the good they are doing the global economy at that point.
But what is all this talk? Is a staple not of little or no significance in the grand scheme?
Perhaps what we should really be focusing on is not staples, but laughter. Because laughter is more important than staples. Anyone wanna argue that point? No? Fine, let's pause while I sip of my diet soft drink, which I am drinking directly from the can, and then press on. See if you can follow the following.
People need laughter, the world needs laughter and the world of people needs laughter even more.
Lots of spontaneous laughs arise from everyday conversations between people, your everyday Joes and Janies.
Many folks be quite funny in conversation but their act just doesn't convert to stage or screen.
Some of these are unemployed and looking for jobs, while many of means seek to be entertained and have the scratch to pay for it.
The wealthy often hold cocktail parties at which lots of expensive food goes to waste; meanwhile many talented young humorists survive on cheap empty calories, their malnourished brains groping helplessly for the comic breakthroughs they were born to achieve.
If we could connect these merry wits to the rich / bored patrons, we could do quite a bit of good against unemployment, slow the concentration of wealth towards the upper end of the tax bracket, and so on. Some may argue that the internet provides just such a platform; as it does, but a sterile platform it is. It is one thing to read or write something funny on a blog, or tweet a devastating epigram, but quite another to give life to the cocktail hour with a well-timed bon mot, the witticism that cracks up the whole table in three to eleven precise words that will be carried home and recounted to others, perhaps garner a mention in the society columns or find echoes in future quips during as-yet-unheld soirees.
Consider also The Case of the Five Good Friends, Hanging Out. They discuss matters near and wide, joking good-naturedly in the fading afternoon, and not infrequently the conversation wanders into alleys hysterical, pretty soon they are doubled over laughing. How precious is this, and how is it that such priceless hilarity is going to amuse only these five individuals? Is there not some way we can capture the humor so that it might spread laughter and light to millions around this planet and globe who are desperately in need of access to safe drinking water and comic relief?
Anywhere that there is too much of a thing, be it staples, laughter, or I don’t know, Calvin Klein bunion pads, while in other places people so thirst for that same thing they would willingly fork over currency to lay some in, represents an opportunity to get rich quick, but more than that it represents waste, and waste is a problem we simply cannot waste any more time dallying before we tackle.
This is Alvin Richardson, coming to you live from the Austin Powers Center, where I'm repeatedly picking the pockets of opposing point guards, live on my blog, reporting.