Well the ratings continued slipping in season 3 and after a series of board meetings and lavish luncheon brainstorming retreats, after reviewing hundreds of proposed fixes and discarding most of them as either too expensive (hiring decent writers), impractical (more guest appearances by Jack Nicholson and/or Susan Sarandon), or unethical if not outright evil (finally consummating the Tony-Dottie-Tammy love triangle), the quick fix settled upon was / is the sudden appearance of a host of new and interesting characters.
This show's been on (the air) four years now and therefore has graduated from high school, the actors are aging, the original impetus that drove most of the story arcs in the first two seasons is now long since spent.
So get ready for some new faces around here. While this is sometimes a sign of jumping the proverbial shark, great pains will be taken to see that the new characters are both meaty and entertaining, relatable but complex enough to be interesting, and occasionally glimpsed getting out of the shower.
Derek Quickstep is the ubercool private investigator who lives in his parents' basement and is like James Bond crossed with Encyclopedia Brown except he can't catch a break in a down economy and hook up with an entry-level detective gig so he can start paying back his student loans but when he rents a tuxedo and goes to classy bars the sexy ladies swoon and danger finds him in the person of his archnemesis Master Bilderburg (who had to suspend his evil doctoral studies due to funding cuts but in many ways is benefitting by being forced out of his ivory tower and into the real (under)world). So expect more adventure plots, car chases and explosions this season, plus an occasional red herring to throw you off the scent (and vice versa).
Jenny and Robby, the Protein Twins. Shiny, wholesome, beautiful. Pure, natural, sweet. Sex, drugs, rock-n-roll. Higgledy, piggledy, poo, these new characters will entertain the hell out of you.
|This rare image from Gargoyle Magazine (April 1989) features the original appearance of Jenny & Robby, Protein Twins; plus Cheeses, the Lapp with Persian Bones and so many others. Courtesy of artist @davidgilleran.|
Dexter McCluster is a new character specially created to fill the (often underappreciated) role of scatback slash playmaker. Dexter's role will be limited but we believe he can provide us with an explosive play here and there that could turn the tide in two or three midseason contests. In the event of a concussion, Mr. McCluster's role will be played by his understudy, Mr. Fozzie Whitakker, who though his resume is not as long, is an explosive offensive weapon in his own right. These guys can scamper like nobody's business.
Finally, we are proud to announce that (the one and only) Mr. Samuel Taylor Coleridge will begin appearing on the blog this season to provide the intellectual slash indecipherable element that has been missing since we killed off Professor Dickie Bottomfeeder in the harpooning accident cliffhanger that climaxed the first twenty minutes of Season 2 Episode 4 ("The Great Cull").
There that should do it, yes, he said, brushing his fingertips together contentedly. Now we just sit back … and watch those ratings soar …