30 April 2014
Sorry Guys (Original 12" Version)
[The following item previously appeared in this space on 07 Mar 2010. Yet it remains so so timely today, it really bears repeating because we remain just as sorry for the lack of posts on here today as we felt on that crisp autumn day in the Southern Hemisphere that this was originally published. Which is to say, not very sorry, but with silly reservations.]
Sorry for the lack of posts lately guys. I've been busy, starting with the long overdue task of cleaning my pig's hamster's fish's bowl, but I knocked it over so I had to clean my pig's hamster's cage, then my pig's hamster itself, but I forgot to put water back in the bowl so the fish died, tried to feed it to the hamster but no interest, then fed the fish and the hamster to the pig, and finally gave the pig a bath in the fish's bowl, but it was too small and had to break some of his legs to get him in there, the squealing was deafening so had to put him down, and fed him to my neighbor's vultures. Still can't believe my pig ate his own hamster -- he raised that thing from a pup!
Then I was away for two weeks at a Hemingway Camp, learning to write short, crispy sentences like the great Cuban fisherman cum toreador himself. For example if you were gonna write "David was tired, tired of living," they'd say no no just write "David was tired of living." Stuff like that. The first week was all nouns and verbs, we were only allowed to use adjectives sparingly, and frankly it was an experience. A harrowing experience. I never realized how addicted I am to flowery, useless verbiage. The best part was at the end there was a raffle, and I won a free Bullshit Detector just like the one used by the great Cuban fisherman cum toreador himself. Unfortunately as soon as I got it home I pointed it at the internet and the damn thing exploded.
But I am back at it now and ready to post again, hopefully incorporating the lessons I learned at camp, I mean all that stuff about not using a bunch of extra words and all. We'll see.