30 November 2013

Membership Drive


“Like a cattle drive, but with more prodding”

Many readers are undoubtedly fed up with so much of the preachy nonsense that dominates the modern internet, sick sore and tired of blogs telling them what to do all day.  These readers want something fun.  Why can’t we have a few innocent laughs once in a while without thinking about human suffering or the rights of the impaled?

Others will point out that the present moment is no time for frivolity, and that some blog or other had better start telling people what to do fast because left to themselves they seem to have no idea.  Most energy is consumed in making things worse.

The solution to this apparent humdinger is astoundingly simple.  It seems to me that –


STOP RIGHT HERE WHERE YOU ARE AND STOP READING THESE WORDS THAT YOU ARE READING FOR FREE RIGHT NOW I SAID STOP IT DAMN IT, STOP OR I'LL SHOOT.


You don’t have a membership yet, do you?


In order to read the rest of this post, you must become a full member.  Do you hear what I am telling you?

The benefits of membership are manifold.  Forming self-organizing communities based around mutual interests in the arts and sciences is one of the top three things human beings are capable of (which).  Membership includes all the rights and responsibilities of belonging to such a community, the full shebang. 

Join today.  Be a part of something bigger, decidedly less sensible, but way more fun at parties than yourself.

Click here to initiate the initiation procedure.  If at first nothing happens, hit the refresh button and keep clicking; if you are worthy the link will appear.

Frustrated?  Pissed off?  Start a protest movement.  Cry me a river.  Click on over to the next big thing, to bigglebanger dot com, or go twiggle your twongle if that’s your thing. 

Or you could just fork over the dough and get the rest of it ab-so-lute-ly-free [Sssswipe!] for five dollars.

Get off the fence, Charlie.  Only suckers sit on the sidelines.  Get in the game.

Conclusion of pledge drive. We now resume our regularly scheduled programming.  Click "One" to begin.

2 comments:

  1. I am a fully paid member, but I left my membership card in the pocket of my other pants. You're just gonna have to take my word for it this one time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very well, and good enough. In general we recognize our friends on sight and the flashing of the card is a mere formality. But since occasionally we have a new guy working the door, it is advisable to keep the thing as much as possible on your person.

    ReplyDelete

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