19 October 2013

Our New Advertising Campaign

We wish to appeal to the sophisticated urban elites, make them understand viscerally that we represent all to which they aspire.

On the other hand we are at heart the blog of the common person, the off-road vehicle drivin', deep-fried roast pork eatin', freedom lovin' everyman of the untamed frontier.

Designing a single advertising campaign that simultaneously appeals to these two divergent demographics has proved, as one might imagine, a rather tough nut to crack.

But crack it we shall, and did.

Our new commercial is set in a bar or public house.  In a dim corner, a man in rimmed spectacles sits reading The Odyssey by the light of a glass of the establishment's proprietary winter harvest nuthatch ale.  Not far away, bearded brutes in flannel shirts throw darts at shuffleboarders and strike each other about the head and neck with bottles of Buschweiser Dry-Ice Lite.  Suddenly an unearthly shaking rocks everything, the power goes out and a stunned second later the walls are blown in – enemy missile attack!  Explosions splash debris everywhere.  A pinball machine is flying towards one of the big butch dudes; the poet spots it and, squinting through a shattered spectacle, launches himself through the air to knock the dude out of its path.  But when he hits brawny guy he's too puny to knock him over, he just kinda sticks to him.  Hulk looks down puzzled, poet meekly points up, dude looks up in time to catch the pinball machine and fling it through the air where it hits the alien spacecraft hovering just outside and blows it to (what else) smithereens.  Name on dude's breast patch: Ulysses.  As the bar bursts into relieved elation, the two fist bump and raise their glasses.

This simple engaging scenario has the advantage of looking like a beer commercial while dog-whistling some of the pillars of Western Culture (broadly understood), thus appealing to all sides and subtly reinforcing our brand marketing message.  So far in focus groups the response has been heavily positive, but the concept remains untested against the broader swath of public opinion as represented by discerning internet readers like yourself.

Your feedback is therefore requested.  Please send a double sawbuck along with some opal-scented silly string and a DNA sample to One Oliver Crossing Station, Pine Nuts Georgia, Alabama 13 Florida 7 (half), Pittsburgh, Appomattox, etc. etc.  In the subject line of your message, please specify whether you are a stuffed shirt or an apish hick.

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