18 June 2013

Random Nonsense II: The Funny Quiz

The Funny Quiz is designed to measure your silliness quotient.  So few objective measures provide a satisfying assessment.  See if you can tell how many of the following paragraphs are 'funny'.  Please take your time (and keep your grubby paws off everyone else's).

Water under the bridge is leaking out my tear ducts.  It is water under the Bridge over Troubled Water, which is to say it is troubled water but it's in the past, it has run under the bridge of my nose and it is not coming back.

The way you astral projected into my life will mean everything forever, we will always have Cleveland (the one on the astral plane, plus the one in Ohio) baby.

In order to simplify my life, reduce clutter and make more time for the important things (quality time with loved ones, video games), I have decided to temporarily suspend my omnipresence.  So I can't make your thing next week.

Did I drink way too much coffee, or is this just the way I'm wired?

Unless your back is broken, you will report to work on time tomorrow morning and you will have my egg-salad sandwich prepared exactly to my instructions or you will not be allowed to use my private trampoline ever again, never.

Be the change you hope to find in your sofa.

If the sauce is properly prepared, it should not stick to the elevator repairman.

Has anyone written on the subject of what would happen if all oil gas and coal were suddenly cut off in a single day?  If not I would like to volunteer my services, as I have a pretty clear vision of that future and have already gone to the trouble of outlining a killer screenplay, although my agent told me it would be more commercial if it starred the Muppets so I'm currently reworking it a bit.

Funny but I never knew that bandicoots, given half a chance, will eat your underwear right out of your pants pockets.

"That's the pot(head) calling the kettle(corn addict) hooked."

Leaving aside your irredentist claims, I cannot help but feel a nagging pain in my scapula, on account of which I must politely decline your invitation to attend tomorrow's awards ceremony which will be held in a hot air balloon (oops).

Q: What did the house having the windows on its upper stories refurbished say to the dumbwaiter?

A: You send shutters up my spine.

So far professor, I have not seen any indication of the truth let alone the veracity of your statements.  When donkeys fly is not an acceptable answer to this committee.

Great post Josie:  you really hit the nail in the balls with this one!

Conclusion of quiz.  Please put down your pencils, and keep your hands where we can see them.  As far as how many of the above items are 'funny', if you answered 'Zero', "none of the above", or "video kill the radio star", give yourself seven points – most of that is detritus.  If you answered between three and seven, award yourself with a nice glass of ice cold iced tea on the rocks, then proceed to the next post.  If you answered 'all of the above' or 'swamp gas manifesto thing', you should Please Report to The Front Desk for Immediate Processing

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