22 August 2012

What’s Papular with Rosie Collingsworth

Welcome to my inaugural column, I'm Rosie Collingsworth.

I was brought on board to discuss current trends and newsmakers, to offer my gossips and insights into matters of taste and popular culture.  You may find what I have to say shocking, enlightening, or incredibly lame.  Then again some day Hell may host the Winter Olympics.  (And by the way, organizing committee: if you’re going to distinguish between ice skating and ice dancing, the dancers should not be wearing skates – hell-lo-o!)

When Michael Jackson got his third facelift I was shocked.  Wait, what was I talking about?  Let me start again. My name is Rosie Collingsworth, and I know: What’s Papular.

Let's start with X, did you hear the latest juice about Tipsy Boozer, the Hollywood starlet who can't keep her hands on the tracks and eyes on the wheel, or as the old song says:
She's trashin the house
She's a souse
Knocked off her center
She's a detox renter

A private word to my friend Tipsy: get off the sauce, hoss.

By the way:  Since all pop is pap, what is popular is ipso facto papular; ergo, life is a papularity contest.

Just got back from the Venice Film Festival, which oddly enough was held at Cannes this year.  The Pippin Twins' new release was a scalding sensation, it was everything that nobody thought it could be, the characters absolutely bursting with realism and the irony too thick to hack your way through with a hot buttered chainsaw.  The new Boney McJoyless flick on the other hand was a wretched disappointment, hard to fathom how the same minds who gave us The Sodomist's Rigmarole could in good conscience put their names on this phlegmatic piece of cinematic hoohah.

En literature dept.: Another sequel to The Spidermen?  Really, Steven King and Hollywood, that's the best you can come up with?  Shame on you. 

[Note to self: Do I sound too much like Jacky Harvey here?  Shame on me!]

And now to hear that Celebrity X was found naked with a hooker.  Why of all the indecent things to be caught with your pants down, red-handed, doing.  And dear me, does someone so good looking and obviously charismatic need to pay for it like that?  What is going on with these people, anyway?  One of these days fans are going to become sick and fed up with Hollywood and refuse to attend any films or click on any on-line news stories detailing the degenerate shenanigans of these debauched perverts.  Mark my words.

Gotta wrap this up on a lighter note.  Happy birthday to all the celebrities and other famous people, and happy equinox to Alex Baldwin, who will turn 53 one of these days if he hasn't already, and just seems like a really good guy, despite the whole shoe-bomber episode.

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