10 July 2012

Filed Under Random Nonsense

Found this written on the back of an envelope that had fallen behind my freezer as I was cleaning it the other day:  “He was as tough a customer as y’ever come across, and among the most hypocritical too.  First he’d go and get high, then he’d get his horse high, then he’d get on his high horse and lecture anyone in earshot on the evils of substance abuse.”

Swimming is among the healthiest forms of exercise, and raw carrots high on the list of healthy foods, yet the attempt by this reviewer to enjoy the two simultaneously somehow failed to achieve the expected synergies.  More experiments may be in order.

Just for the heck of it I Googled ceremoniously unsexy wombat and it came back with 153 results last year, but today it is up to 595 results.  Not enough to identify a clear trend perhaps, but it seems far from true that ostentatious, unattractive wombats are no longer a thing to be reckoned with.

I just want to be able to put food on the table.  Oh and beverages, maybe some booze and a deck of cards or a board game.

OK, we need a plan and we need a purpose.  But the purpose cannot pretend there is no suffering, because there isn’t.  Such cacophony is not for the wicked.  It is for the elderly.  Unless a turnkey solution is available from a vendor with the same or similar price structure.  The embodiment of lemons is not Liz Lemon any more than Alec the Bald wins the gold prize for filibustering a nuthatch.  In croquet we cannot trust.  Oh goodness we’ve gone off again.  Somebody hit Reset.  There that’s got it.

So I’m opening a new restaurant, hope you’ll stop by when you’re tired, hungry, and yearning to breathe free (we will not charge you for the oxygen).  We will be serving milkshakes in two flavors: Regular and Other.

The whistleblower blows his whistle, but who’s blowing the whistleblower?  And if a whistleblower blows the whistle, in the woods, with no journalist there to cover it, does it make a splash?

What if there’s a God, but he’s just like the God of Earth, so he’s literally up there in heaven, above the atmosphere, and he does control things down here on earth, meting out justice as he sees fit, sending floods and tornadoes to punish the wicked, right, he’s omnipotent, but only within the domain of the Earth-Moon system.  Will such a God ever permit us to really explore space?  And if somehow we did venture to another solar system, and meet another God, wouldn’t that make a great movie?

She had a body that wouldn’t quit, but her face dripped with resignation.

Every Oreo I eat I really savor™.  Like I’m in that scene in The Pianist at the train depot, when they each get a tiny taste of chocolate as they’re waiting to be hauled away.  Let it melt in your mouth, savoring to the last atom, not knowing when – or if – such pleasure will come again.  (Thoughtful pause.)  I’ll eat a whole bag that way.

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