30 June 2012

Insufferable Silence

Today I'd like to talk in some detail about declining fertility rates in the developing world and the implications for the future of the human species.  But since I don't know dick about that, here's some useless verbiage on the subject of


Silence is slowly killing us.  We are going deaf drowning in the constant hum of silence.

For God's sake someone please blare upon us some loud rock music before we collapse of this insufferable silence.

The day the silence died I was driving my mother-in-law home after another uneventful night at the canasta tables and the things she revealed to me in the car, well I haven't had a quiet moment since.

How I adore the silence of the rain falling on my roof.  The silent smiling of a child's laughter (at daybreak I suppose).  The cacophonous hush of the running of the bulls, the silent screams of the terrified toro-trampled teens.

Silence is golden my ass.  Silence is metallic gray.  Silence is a Fiat Currency with a hole in the muffler.

Shhh!  Please be quiet and don't interrupt the silence while it's talking to me.

Silence is the whisper of the gods, the sound of nothing making nary a noise, the assassin's silent stalk a split-second before sniper-strike … the silence of the elves facing Santa.

It's so quiet I can't hear myself think.  Could someone please turn on some golf?

Silence is overrated and badly misunderstood.  Much of the maniacal behavior in modern society can be linked directly to the lack of silence in too many facets of life.  I will have more to say about this in future posts.

And now, on behalf of silence, let us have a moment of (you guessed it) deafening racket.

Ladies and gentleman, please put your hands together, and keep them there, for Bachman!  Turner!!  O-VER-DRIVE!!!

1 comment:

  1. Someone's been cooped up on a plane too long.


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