29 April 2012

Happy Season of Foster's Ghost

The producers would like to take a few moments to wish everyone in Earth's blogosphere and elsewhere a gloriously joyous Season of Foster’s Ghost.  It is acknowledged that different groups of folks these days celebrate their own holidays, and that often these holidays look sideways at each other with thinly disguised contempt™, but certainly we can all put aside our differences for a few seconds to celebrate the annual reemergence of everyone’s favorite ghost from beyond, Foster’s Ghost.  Tis the season™.

If you haven’t purchased the centerpiece of your traditional holiday dinner (and these days a spray-on foam ham is de rigueur), best do it now as supplies could be limited by war or famine at any time.  Crandleberry crabcakes should be on every table, alongside heapings of fresh homemade broccoli and three sauces to choose from, at least one of which should be a gravy.  

Whether you celebrate the season by exchanging gifts or by borrowing without permission, by gathering for supper around a glazed hog or sneaking out back later on to burn one in effigy, can't you just put aside your own differences for a moment and slip into something more comfortable, i.e. the spirit of the season, i.e. the Season of Foster's Ghost?

Foster’s Ghost first appeared in 1734 to the Puritans and later, in a bunny outfit, to the Quakers, and its annual reemergence at exactly the same time every year in all parts of the world on the same day continues to stir the passions and recriminations of generation after generation of boys and women.  In 1834 the season was declared a two-week holiday by decree of the then-ruling junta, and despite their bloody overthrow and the subsequent 'Three Great Genocides' that soon followed, the tradition has stuck with us more or less in its original form to this day.  Minus the mass graves, thankfully.

Despite many claims to the contrary, Foster’s Ghost never won Wimbledon, captured the Triple Crown, or guest-hosted The Joker's Wild.

In keeping with the times, today's Foster’s Ghost is green, clean, low carbon and energy efficient, with recyclable components of non-toxic materials.  The latest model of the ghost, featuring a sleek new interface and USB ports for plug-and-play functionality, is rumored to have appeared to more than a few tech-savvy movers and shakers at this year’s Foster’s Consumer Electronics Ghost Show in Las Vegas.  

And now let us join hands and acknowledge something too often forgotten during this holiday season: it's not about bubble gum-colored icicle lights and playing "Wii Columbine" til the wee hours, it's about Foster, and more specifically, Foster's festering carcass, and of course, his mischievous spirit that scares the bejesus out of little boys and girls who fail to be on their toes at all times, and the bejeebers out of adults with unresolved childhood issues.

The Season of Foster’s Ghost generally lasts two to four weeks during spring and early summer, when there aren't many other good holidays or dinosaur rock band concerts to attend.  Foster's Ghost Day falls on May 11 this year (woo-hoo, 3-day weekend!).  Please mark your calendars, and everybody else's, and the ones down at the bookstore too.

1 comment:

  1. Re: guest-hosting the joker's wild, that was Foster Brooks who is no relation to the ghost.

    ReplyDelete

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