27 February 2012

The View in a Window Contest: Winner #85


With apologies and propers to Mr. A. Sullivan and crew at The Dish.



A reader writes:

That's the toilet in the cathedral at Chartres.  My wife and I had brunch there on the way back from our honeymoon 22 years ago, and we've been happily married and divorced several times since.

Another:

Boy you are making them harder every week, I can't see how anyone can get this one.  Is it from an episode of South Park?

Another:

I never enter this contest although I always enter this contest every week.  This is the view looking west into the window on the second floor of the old maple tree in the middle of the town square, just below the rotunda in the main dancing hall of the American Conservatory Society Headquarters, third bathhouse on the left, in Brooklyn Heights, New Hampshire.

Another:

I searched Google images for 2 days and I'm stumped.  Is that the view in the eleventh floor window on the west side of the Bank of Melbourne building in Perth, Australia?

Right hemisphere anyway.  Another:

The shadows suggest Cartagena, the trim on the windows is pure faux nouveau typical of southeastern Zanzibar, the way the light is dancing off the leaves makes me think of Kevin Costner movies – but the giveaway is the pollen grains visible upon 1000x magnification, upper left.  This photo could only have been taken in Pondicherry, between April 7 and April 12 of a leap year.

Not Pondicherry, but getting warmer.

I'd know that toilet anywhere.  It's in the Spring Hill Dairy and Outpost in Portville, New York.  In 1967 after eating a hot dog with mayonnaise, I sat down and took an awesome dump there.  Absolutely incredible.  Thanks for stirring up some fond memories.

Please.  Another:

Finally!  Been reading your site for 3 years now but this is the first time I've recognized one.  That's the bathroom at Scottie Pippen's mansion in the Conquistadores.  I don't have time to Google map it right now but trust me, Pip was a top fifty guy and that's a top fifty crapper.

Technically correct, and one of three of Scottie's former teammates to identify the city and country.  But the big prize goes to our lucky winner:

I was in the service in Kalamahari Acres and we had a bathroom just like that.  It was literally the only thing that kept me going in those days, and is indeed a stirring tribute to our many honorable brothers and sisters serving overseas in armed forces bathrooms during their honeymoons.  When President Kennedy was shot I was standing outside that bathroom door waiting my turn, and on the day of the first moon landing it was in that very bathroom that Buzz Aldrin wept.  Without that head I would not be alive today, it picked me up when I was lonely and gave me a place to vomit when I had to puke. The spiders in that bathroom were enormous. One morning I went in there and a six foot maple sapling was growing right out of the toilet, must have sprung up over a long weekend.  My mother-in-law was born in that water closet and my father-in-law died during a post-Grammy reception there. Churchill, Stalin, Roosevelt and Mao played a poker game there one night, at stake was the very soul of humanity ... and only that toilet knows who won.  Elvis, Michael Jackson, –

All right, all right.  Your book is in the mail.

16 comments:

  1. Pitch perfect.

    Also no harder than todays VFYW...

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  2. Andrew Sullivan just linked this. A very well-done parody!

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  3. Nice job Tony/Dottie. I'm commenting just to make your mother happy.

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  4. I can't believe I have to be the first to do this. First post. (Otherwise, well done, sir!)

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  5. Onion-level quality satire. Your "winning" post was awe-inspiring. My wife looked at me in confusion as I tittered through this thread. Well played, sir.

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  6. Great satire! The only thing missing was the elaborate maps that are invariably made by the top six entries.

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    Replies
    1. A fair point, did consider it, but woulda been work and couldn't see where the laughs would come. ("Dammit Jim I'm a humorist, not a cartographer.")

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  7. Well. That's funny as shit!

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  8. So, so good. Thank you. :-)

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  9. Hilarious, and oh so true! Some of the details in the VFYW contest just make me shake my head and think "You have WAY too much time on your hands!"

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  10. Cool! By now, I'm sure you know that A Sullivan has cross-linked back. Nice spoof!

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  11. Many thank yous, fellow silly-philes. I'm verklempt. Your approbation warms my heart and inflates my ego. Gonna go jump off the high dive at the Y a couple dozen times now.

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  12. This has had me giggling all morning. Thank you!

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