11 January 2012

Some Dumb Lists Written as if Numbers on a Calendar Matter

With the sun having once again crossed the winter solstice and started out on its long trek north to bask in the summer of equatorial love, now more than ever is the time of year to make up a bunch of dumb lists reviewing/predicting the past/next roughly twelve moons it takes for the earth to circle the sun.  Some may object How trite, but like most blogs in today’s frenzied society, blogging is no picnic and we have other stuff going on and sometimes it’s just easier to toss off a few lists of stuff.  It takes like no time and if you can find a sexy topic it can get you several pageviews, then with just a few links from one of the big guns you can be retirin’ to Hamtramck in no time.

List of Rejected Titles for this Post
Tis the Season of Lists, Lists of the Year in Review, The Year of Lists in Review List, Here Are Some Lists Gang, Watch Out 2012 Here Come Lists, List Party Freak-on Time 2011-12, Pile of List Related Gag Lists, The Lists (Part I: The Lost Lists of Eldron)

7 Compound Words to Watch in 2012
Tree-hugger
Hip-wader
Nano-technology
Disco-dancing
Velvet-teens
Whipper-snapper
Volks-wagen

Seven Simple Steps to Avoid / Ameliorate a Hangover in 2012
Don’t drink any alcohol at all, but if you do
Drink less alcohol, but if you do
Don’t drink so many types of alcohol in the same day, but whether you do or not
Drink lotsa water before you go to bed, and
Take a few painkillers, or if it’s really drastic
Make yourself puke, and if that proves difficult
Do three or four “bonus” tequila shots (Jagermeister also works) and then some upside down situps where you’re hanging by your ankles from the ceiling.

Twelve Berries to Watch in 2012
Elderberry, Marionberry, Huckleberry, Cheeseberry, Boysenberry, Crunchberry, Bearberry, Chokeberry, Farkleberry, White Mulberry, Sourpuss … and #12 is a secret until I cash out my short position thereupon.

The Top Best Archaeologists, Cancer-fighting-cocks, and Ceremonial First Cheeses to Wish You Woulda Watched in 2011 
Dr. Saunders of the University of Louisville
Camembert with walnuts shoved in
Doctor Invigorator
Wimbley Brown
Red Rollo the Tumornator
Dana the Archaeolitryx

Six Most Popular Emerging Sports to get Season Tickets for in 2012
Hurling – Projectile vomiting is back in vogue!
Browning – various objects must be subjugated and browned, first player to nine brown objects wins.
Crisis Management – it’s a race against time and the elements to manage a crisis of your own creation.
Extreme Egging – now played at high speeds, with no restraining devices and bigger, badder eggs.
Radical Billiards – Just what it sounds like.
Unrestrained Violence – Fun for the whole family (in 2012)

Four Guys Named Dave in 2012 (to Watch)
Dave Adams
Dave Jefferson
Dave Lincoln
Dave Coolidge

Nine or So Even Stupider Themes for Possible List-gag Lists
Six Dumb Lists Reviewing the Best and Worst Dumb Lists of 2011
Seven Easy Steps to Intensify Malaise in 2009
Nine Underrated Blogposts from 2011
Four Zoos to Visit in Amsterdam (in 2012)
2012: Shocking Omissions from the Best of the Worst-of Lists of the Year in Review
Ten Denver Omelettes to Watch in 2012
Top 8 Named Things of 2011

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