30 December 2011

How to Regard the Various Figures Inhabiting Your Psyche

We don't offer a lot of advice around here, we believe you should be free to live the life of your own design as long as you shoulder the consequences.  Yet most humans, including those who read blogs, crave advice, and we are no different from the rest of us in this regard.  Let us then advise each other (we) about some common archetypes which dominate the human psyche, and see what happens (forthwith).

1) Monsters.  Monsters are no more real than other humans and should definitely not be regarded as such.  Monsters growl at you and occasionally slash but they know nothing of your inner torment, they are just in it for themselves and generally not worth the trouble they stir up.

2) Astronauts are guilty of much the same private failings of the rest of us, as a group, yet individually must be regarded as worthy of respect until proven other(than)wise.

3) The Father Figure is critical to the success and failure of most males and many women by the same token.  Pops does his best but he is no more human than you or I, and liable to the same peccadilloes as, say, Matt Dillon or Twiggy.

4) Elvis was really cool and got a ton of chicks, pretty much every one he snapped his fingers for.  What this has to do with you or me is far from clear, but Elvis was a bad mother.

5) Souffles are difficult for any rugged macho man to bake and failure to get one to rise should not be seen as a failure of one's personal manhood.  To dream constantly of a falling souffle is to foresee one's own (omn)i(m)potence.

6) Hemingway bent his elbow more than most, though how much of what he imbibed was creme de menthe is anyone's guess.  The salt tasted salty, in his mouth.

7) Jim Nabors sure sang a lovely tune in his day, he could croon with anyone like nobody's business, though he is better known for his portrayal of Gomer Pyle, who served his country admirably as a bungling marine, at a safe distance from the horrors of his era, as it seemed.

8) Dr. Freud sits behind you, watching you, nodding disinterestedly, saying as little as possible, judging you for the disgusting being that you are, he just wants you to admit more of it, whether it actually helps you or not is beside the point.

9) Anne of Green Gables should no longer even be in your psyche, but if she persists,consult four out of five dentists surveyed, they'll tell you what's next.

10) Tim Druthers.   Tim should be regarded with verveless aplomb.  Apple butter should be separated from the spatula by hand if necessary.

1 comment:

  1. Amazingly, this post seems to have been published retroactively. Perhaps this would explain its failure to crack the top ten in its opening weekend. Kinda seems to suck, reminds me of what this could become if it were just being slogged off for money, ten years past the peak of the author's powers...

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