16 December 2011

Call for Papers: The Proverbial Conference

This/next year’s Demi-Annual Proverbial Conference and Metaphysical Hoedown is scheduled for some time in April of one of the coming years, at your local convention center.  Early bird registration is now open, get 'em while they’re hot.  There will be ample free parking.

As one of the leading experts in whatever it is you do, you are hereby invited to submit a paper, join one of the panel discussions, and/or serve on the refreshments committee. Abstracts should be submitted several months in advance, in triplicate, and please note that they should be as abstract as possible without wandering into the vague. 

The conference will consist of two main tracks.  One will be devoted to the business and practical applications of a new type of whipped marshmallow topping developed by my aunt. Suggestions for the other track are now being accepted, but it might have something to do with eggs.

Who should attend:  People who live in trees.  C-level execs and other know-it-alls from the whipped topping industry.  Voles.  People who live in glass houses.  Anyone feeling a bit peckish.  John Elway.  Brian P and his little buddy.  People who shoulda thrown stones.

In order to encourage collaborative comaraderie and the spirit of sharing community so that all attendees derive maximum benefit from the conference, we have booked two entire floors at a nearby Motel Forty-four Ninety-five and arranged for all the walls to be knocked out.  There will be no specific room assignments and beds will be available in 6-hour shifts.  This year we are encouraging all participants to bring their own toothbrush.

Closing the second night there will be a big musical performance, we hope to get Alice in Chains but we’ll see, if we can’t, my mother-in-law’s stepdaughter (I can’t call her my stepsister-in-law or my wife will kill me, she doesn’t see eye to eye with that bunch, but fortunately she won’t be at the conference) is pretty good on the piano.

The first six people in the door will get a free tote bag.

More in this space as The Conference takes shape.


  1. Dennis "Rags" HockingJanuary 12, 2012 at 8:09 AM

    Oh holy Hell. Did I miss this darned conference? My most pertinent question is: did Alice in Chains perform?

  2. The conference remains to be seen. The band has been noncommittal, in the best sense of the word. The response from the whipped topping industry is stronger than ever, and there is a talk of sponsorship tie-in with the band. Don't touch that dial.


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