11 June 2011

About Blog

Many have inquired as to the precise nature of blog. Blog is difficult of description, and will resist arrest by running up a tree if you let it. Blog may perhaps best be described in terms of what it is and what it (most definitely) is not.

Things Blog Is.
Silly. Silliness is next to Godliness, and since God don't exist, Silly is all we've got. In most if not all cases, things make no sense. So why should blog?
Mine. It's not yours or anybody else's. Cogito ergo (and in) sum, (therefore) (I think) (I am) blog's blogger, the blogowner slash blogmaster, blogger of blog if you will.
Expensive. Astronomically so. The infrastructure and piping for blog cost over $3000 a minute to maintain, not to mention back office overhead and meeting donuts. Please Give Generously.
Good for the environment. Blog leaves a pleasing aftertaste and emits a subtle but unmistakable odor that eighty-four percent of the focus group rates favorably, every time.
A spy novel. See if you can follow the twists and turns in blog's rollicking plot, and solve the mystery before Inspector Snodgrass gets to the bottom of things.
Four boulders improbably stacked in an alpine meadow, the first call of the jackdaw at daybreak, the sound of cheese whizzing past your ear, a big mac with some fresh watercress thrown on there and just a squeeze of lemon.
Meant to be read aloud to your friends and enemies, to be shared during fireside conversations or discussed in passing with strangers on the subway, to be whispered into a loved one's ear preawakening. Though it is possible to enjoy blog without doing any of these things, it does mean you're not doing it right.
Comprehensive. All is contained in blog.

There are many other things which blog is, but these will suffice for now.

Blog Is Not
Furnace. Blog is not a furnace and burns neither diesel fuel nor titanium dioxide. Do not attempt to heat your home or office using blog .
Yours. It's not yours, it's mine. Now give it back.
Investment Advice. Blog is not a deeply insightful look at financial markets (such as they are). Just remember that you can never go wrong by investing in yourself.
FBI Field Manual. Blog will not help you deal with a hostage incident or teach you how to extract information from a terrorist in the super-exciting ticking-time-bomb scenario.
The skin on your true love's inner thigh. Please do not apply oil to, or lovingly stroke, blog.
Journal. The reader does not learn anything specific or of consequence about blogger or acquaintances of blogger from consuming blog.

There are many other things which blog is not, but these will do for now.

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