19 October 2010

The Europe: The Epilogue (Part I)

Part V of The Europe The Finale is right down the page, as a running theme it's being put to sleep, awful hard to let go and we're still a little broken up over it, the services were yesterday, many thanks to all those who sent flowers. Here's a little something from the ceremony:
The Ode or The Elegy if not The Eulogy for The Europe

Must The Europe

Like all great empires


The pillars crumbling

The foundation weakened

That pointy triangle thing at the top


The mighty weeds unpulled

Alas will there ever be a one The Europe?

For my children and theirs

The sons and daughters of the The Europeans

To bask in

As a united continent

Formerly comprised of many little nation-states

The One Europe

It has risen

And fallen

And like a fine souffle

It will rise again

The Europe


The Europe

Rising like a phoenix, etc.


The Rise and The Fall of The Europe

This the fifth and (let us pray) final installment of The Europe, a series of investigative reports carefully designed to leave you the more you read, the more the stupider you get. Parts I through IV can be found elsewhere on this blog, in that order. They tell the stunning if largely imaginary story of a continent's rise to power, its blood-drenched path to unificationalism, and its subsequent implosion from a once mighty empire with parking for up to 200 to a dilapidated outshack, a laughingstock to the blogosphere. Spoiler alert! The paragraphs below may tell you things you do not already know and thus ruin for you the potential joy of learning them later, under better circumstances. Was it overexpansion? Over-unbridled enthusiasm? An excess of over-under-bridled enthusinationalism? Or some third possibility? How did The Europe grow so rapidly and then, even faster, collapse? Having just added six new tiny little nation-state members to its growing empire, how could it all be crumbling just minutes later?

Measured in the time spans of continents and cuisines, The Europe must seem as a mere trifle in the moment's eye, a flash of grease in the proverbial pan-European dreams of so many pan-European sous chefs and Europatriots, putting age-old prejudices behind them for a second and Europeanly uniting to form a single united The Europe, and so on and so forth, muddling their metaphors in the service of a one united The Europe that will be unitary, unified, unificationalized, de-disunited, antidisinfragmented, completely and utterly indivisible, re-un-scattered-into-dozens-of-tiny-little-nation-states, etc. etc. and so on ad rectum, ad nauseum.

This is Terminus Maximus, with an ultimatum, from the Coliseum.

01 October 2010

Kennel Blog Post from Kennel Central

I decided this blog needs some focus and then after that I decided that the focus of this blog is going to be (yes you guessed it) (it should have been obvious from the title) (but some of you are brighter than others) (I mean that's just life isn't it) kennels.

Kennel-related news and information that is updated 24 hours a day so that users of the world wide web, as well as others who are interested in kennels, can find this clearing house of information that is up to the minute about kennels and kennel related you know, incidents and accidents and stuff. And policy regulation also affects the kennel sector, we'll throw something about that in there too.

I was thinking too maybe we could spin off a tv show in which I could be some kind of superhero, or maybe not a superhero but just like a regular guy who's a hero to a lot of animals in need of short-term accomodations. And maybe I handle a lot of endangered species, like some piranha-eating snakes or a winged aardvark, or maybe I take in a chimp for a few episodes and we start to get attached. But I don't need to get too nailed down on specifics at this point, the key is the obvious room for creative expression within the kennel paradigm. There's a clear audience there, lots of room for guest stars, I don't see how it can miss.

Now of course a complete redesign followed by a multi-dollar marketing campaign to establish this as the mother of all kennel blogs will not be easy and let's make no mistake, no one ever said it was going to be. To institute this change down to the lowest levels of our organization will require a steadfastness of purpose and a willingness to chew our food a bit longer before swallowing than we have so far shown ourselves capable of. There is no doubt that much hard work lies ahead and that the time for extraordinary sacrifice is now, or later, or maybe never.

In addition, I hope that everybody reading this, and more importantly that the millions of people not reading this, are impacted positively by my positive message and able to discern the gist of what I was talking about, the end. OK there that should be long enough. The above was just to distract everybody, get rid of the mush-for-brains crowd so that you those of us remaining (here pull up a chair, sorry what was your name again?) can take on a more substantial question: the meaning of life.

I just came in from a set out on my balcony, watching the bats make their rounds in the cloudy early evening, first time I've had a chance to sit a spell like that in a while, and as I was sitting there it almost seemed to come into focus, you know how it kind of dances out in front of you for a few minutes now and then, but of course it got away again.

I'm not sure if there is any meaning to life anyway, in fact there may be none. But still, if a dog or a cat needs a place to stay, then by god there ought to be a kennel, nay a range of kennels to choose from, for that dog to go where the owner can have peace of mind and pay a reasonable price to have their pet professionally cared for during their absence. And if that makes me a nihilist well then so be it.

Or maybe it's like my grandma always said, she'd say: If your life doesn't have enough meaning, then you'll just have to make do with (meaning) less.