23 March 2010

The Europe Part III: The Doors Coming Off

"To understand whither something is headed you must first know whence it hails."

To read Part I of this series click here, and to read Part II click here. Bear in mind that there will be a brief quiz at the conclusion of Part IV.
An open door policy? Or the first signs of an empire crumbling?

With troubled times clearly on the horizon, yet optimism rising like the setting sun is always rising somewhere, it seemed a good time to sit down with the leaders of this whole debacle for a little mano a uno (one man, one Europe - you get the idea).

We spoke with the CEO of The Europe, Dr. Christian Kovacques, about his vision for the new The Europe. Wait no no no: Dr. Kovacques will be having a live chat for this entire year, answering in real time all questions posed from anywhere in the world, 24/7, for the whole year - no let's make it for as long as this remains posted on the world wide web - through his patented Cog-Net system™.

Please use the comment box below to submit a question for Dr. Christian Kovacques, CEO and Chairman, The Europe.

Feel free to compose and include Dr. K's response to your question as you imagine it. This saves him considerable time and effort, and ensures that you receive a prompt response to your inquiry, if not necessarily an intelligent one.

12 March 2010

Site Admin and Legal

Perhaps a little site admin and legal stuff is in order before we go any further, just to lay the appropriate legal groundwork for this weblog, in case things get messy at some point. You never know what might happen, and I don't want to hear you complaining later on that you're not on the hook legally for what happens here just because you looked at it for a few seconds. No way. You read any further, and you're in it just like the rest of us.

Disclaimer. We. Disclaim. Nothing. Our mothers did not raise no disclaimers. We do however reserve the right to blur the shortest distance between any two points: a straight line. To go all "six levels of irony" on your ass. While we're reserving rights and all, we also reserve the right to borrow all your money and mate at will with your family members, draw freely from the discard pile during gin rummy tournaments, revel in the suffering of others, eat chickens and pigs and occasionally the fish that swim in the ocean, [Add your own here], and so on and so forth.

Come to think of it, f*ck it: ALL rights reserved. We are hereby reserving every right that anybody could possibly imagine, and at the same time every right that cannot possibly be imagined. There, that covers all possible rights, right? We're f*cking reserving everything. There's no telling what we may want to do to you somewhere down the road.

Copyright Statement. All material on this site is copyrighted to its original creators, in the name of The Founder, except as these rights have already been usurped by large corporations, in which case there's nothing that can be said here that cannot be overruled by a court of law (and we use the term loosely).

Privacy Policy. Mind yer own beeswax. The Proverbial Bejesus tends only to its own beeswax. The reader is encouraged to do the same, i.e. to mind only his/her own and closely related beeswax. Breaches of honor in this respect are understood for legal purposes to fall outside The Proverbial Purview.

There that's all the site admin and legal stuff. Now I want to try something here.

Boom shaka-laka Boom-ah! Post out –

07 March 2010

Sorry Guys

Sorry for the lack of posts lately guys. I've been busy, starting with the long overdue task of cleaning my pig's hamster's fish's bowl, but I knocked it over so I had to clean my pig's hamster's cage, then my pig's hamster itself, but I forgot to put water back in the bowl so the fish died, tried to feed it to the hamster but no interest, then fed the fish and the hamster to the pig, and finally gave the pig a bath in the fish's bowl, but it was too small and had to break some of his legs to get him in there, the squealing was deafening so had to put him down, and fed him to my neighbor's vultures. Still can't believe my pig ate his own hamster -- he raised that thing from a pup!

Then I was away for two weeks at a Hemingway Camp, learning to write short, crispy sentences like the great Cuban fisherman cum toreador himself. For example if you were gonna write "David was tired, tired of living," they'd say no no just write "David was tired of living." Stuff like that. The first week was all nouns and verbs, we were only allowed to use adjectives sparingly, and frankly it was an experience. A harrowing experience. I never realized how addicted I am to flowery, useless verbiage. The best part was at the end there was a raffle, and I won a free Bullshit Detector just like the one used by the great Cuban fisherman cum toreador himself. Unfortunately as soon as I got it home I pointed it at the internet and the damn thing exploded.

But I am back at it now and ready to post again, hopefully incorporating the lessons I learned at camp, I mean all that stuff about not using a bunch of extra words and all. We'll see.