As Founder I am all things to all people.
When a tree falls, in the woods, with no one there to hear it – I am that Nobody.
When you hear the sound of one hand clapping – mine is the other hand, thumbing its nose to the beat.
I am the cream of the crop in your coffee.
I'm the salt of the earth in your wounds.
I am a white wine spritzer ($12.95).
I am available for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and dirty dancing.
I'm open an extra half-hour on Mondays now.
I am neither here nor there.
I am the voice of the big macular degeneration.
I come in six exciting colors™, including four shades of brown.
I am in all of us.
We ain’t what I used to be.
I'll come off a high screen and nail that 18-footer, or I'll absolutely destroy you down on the low box.
On that last play, I had clearly established position here (with both feet outside the restricted area, thus) way before he took off from way over there ... but if you insist on whistling me for the block, I suppose I'll just have to accept it and try to move on.
I am the cart before the horse, the proverbial horse’s ass, leaving huge piles in my wake and dreaming not of their disposal.
Like a pig, on the loose: pork free.
I'm bashful, dopey, lazy, sneezy, jaded, vicious, and pissed off.
I am the wind beneath your wings; but I’m so gusty and unpredictable that I’m completely making you not want to fly any more.
In my house, we didn't even have bootstraps to pull ourselves up by.
The fig leaf in the garden of eden;
The distance between two slices of pie;
The straws that stir your strawberry sodas;
The underfroth, churning and surging beneath the foam …
These too am I.
All those times in life you've been close, but no cigar - I was the cigar.
All the bacon you've ever brought home, the bacon too was I.
When the shoe is on the other foot, I'm the other shoe, on the first foot … waiting to drop.
Like Mr. Belvedere with turnips askance, raging [and so on and so forth.]
Want more? Had enough? “Never hesitate to say so. I can turn off the tap at will.”
So sayeth The Founder, in the Opening Statement.